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Superior listening skills. My only other advanced feature is a filler-word tractor beam that activates the moment someone says “um,” “er,” and/or “like” one too many times. Once activated, I can’t hear anything else.Morgan Freeman could call me and say “Matthew, you’re THE GUY who wins Olympics and Super Bowl tickets FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, hand-made Savile Row suits in every pattern known to mankind, and Warren Buffett’s net worth in cash,” and I’d say “You just said “um” six times in one sentence. What?”

Superior listening skills. My only other advanced feature is a filler-word tractor beam that activates the moment someone says “um,” “er,” and/or “like” one too many times. Once activated, I can’t hear anything else.

Morgan Freeman could call me and say “Matthew, you’re THE GUY who wins Olympics and Super Bowl tickets FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, hand-made Savile Row suits in every pattern known to mankind, and Warren Buffett’s net worth in cash,” and I’d say “You just said “um” six times in one sentence. What?”